My husband and I recently celebrated our first anniversary. It’s been a wonderful year full of change, growth, and learning. Being married has changed my world—and as a result, the ebb and flow of my creativity is not quite the same as it used to be.
At first, I found it difficult to communicate to my husband, a programmer, how difficult it had become to return to the comfort and solace of creativity—and how he could help me. Life became a whirlwind. While everything was great and we were happy, I felt lost as a writer, trying to juggle the fifty-thousand new things that came with marriage.
Maybe you’re in that place right now, trying to figure out how to communicate with your spouse about creative passions you think they may not understand. Or maybe you’re married to a writer and you’ve seen them struggling. Well guess what? You can help—even if you don’t consider yourself a “creative type.”
3 Things You Should Know if You’re Married to a Writer
#1: YOUR WRITER COUNTS ON YOU FOR SUPPORT
Even if they’re surrounded by a healthy creative community, when it comes down to it, you’re still the one they count on most for moral and emotional support. You’re with them on the exciting days as well as the depressing ones. Your writer is counting on you to be an encourager, a cheerleader, and a comforter. You can provide this support by:
- Asking them questions about their projects
- Encouraging and helping them to make time to work on what they love
- Listening to their ideas and discussing them
- Providing well-timed coffee
- Encouraging them to take a break when they are stressed
#2: YOUR WRITER WILL HAVE PROJECT-RELATED MOOD SWINGS
This is not your fault. Usually, it will have nothing whatsoever to do with you, so don’t panic. Creativity runs in cycles; exhilaration, frustration, and depression are all a part of the circle of life for a writer. This is where your support becomes most critical. You get to be there to celebrate their wins, as well as help them push through the ruts. Be patient and gentle with your writer; it will mean the world to them.
#3: YOUR WRITER VALUES YOUR OPINION (A LOT)
Even if you don’t consider yourself a “creative,” your writer holds your opinion in high esteem because they love you. In fact, your opinion probably matters more than most other peoples’, regardless of writing experience or know-how. As a result, you have the power to either build them up or crush them.
So when your writer comes around asking for your opinion on their work or ideas, don’t hesitate to share it. And be honest—even if it includes constructive criticism. If you’re married to a committed writer, they want to know what you really think, so don’t butter them up with the feels. It’s possible to voice criticism tempered with encouragement, and that’s what they’ll appreciate most.
If you’re married to a writer, I want to challenge you to simply do two things today:
- Ask them about their latest work in progress and let them discuss it with you.
- Be ready to share your honest opinion with positive reinforcement.
If you’re a writer and you’re struggling with communicating your creative needs to your spouse, be patient and keep trying. It takes time to work out how creativity will flow—especially if you’ve gone through a recent life-change. If this article was helpful, share it with them. Make sure to let them know how much you value their opinion and support.
- What aspects of your creativity do you struggle with communicating to others?
- Share a time when your spouse provided excellent support for you in your creative endeavors.
- Share a time when you, as the husband/wife of a writer, were able to encourage and support them.
- How has a big life-change impacted your creative journey?